The Love Coach

Sometimes hidden behind the walls of a home and sometimes witnessed by many, domestic abuse occurs every day and to too many people. While most victims of abuse are women, men can fall prey to abuse as well, and people of both sexes often feel too dependent or afraid to leave their abusers. If you are in a situation that you know or feel may be abusive, this list of resources and information will help guide you as you make important decisions about your life. Most importantly, if you ever feel you are in immediate danger, please call 911.

Basics of Abuse

The following resources provide definitions, overviews, and more about the basics of domestic violence and abuse.

1. Domestic Violence and Abuse. Offering a clear and easy to understand look at domestic violence, this article explains how and why it happens and provides signs as to whether or not you should be concerned about your relationship.
2. Domestic violence toward women: Recognize the patterns and seek help. An excellent resource for learning about the cycle of abuse, how abuse affects families, and how to break the cycle, this article gives lots of important information on the subject.
3. Domestic Violence. From eMedicine, this article provides definitions, signs, statistics, and more and offers a good analytical overview of domestic violence.
4. Abusive Relationship Tips. This article gives signs to look for in a partner to indicate he has an abusive personality, signs of an abusive relationship, tips for leaving, and more.
5. Domestic Violence Information. Browse through these categories to learn about domestic violence, signs, effects, and more.
6. Leaving Abuse. This website was set up by a woman who left an abusive relationship and survived. There is lots of information for all aspects of the leaving process.
7. Family Violence Prevention Fund. Find articles on how to protect yourself at work, ways to make sure you stay safe when a situation escalates, fact sheets on various domestic violence situations, and much more at this site.
8. MINICAVA Electronic Clearinghouse. This site offers articles on a wide variety of topics pertaining to violence and abuse ranging from domestic violence to youth violence to child trafficking.
9. Domestic Violence: An Overview. Find out what is and is not considered domestic violence, then follow the links to find more information on specifics.
10. Domestic Violence Awareness Handbook. This guide provides information and articles to help you learn the basics.
11. Cycle Theory of Abuse. This graphic clearly describes the cycle of abuse.
12. Physical and/or Sexual Abuse. Another simple graphic with lots of information, this wheel describes what physical and sexual abuse may look like.

Safety Issues

From technology to stalking, these resources provide suggestions to help keep you safe.

13. Technology Safety. Find ways to protect yourself when it comes to computer, email, social networks, and more.
14. Stalkinghelp.org. This site offers the basics about stalking, suggests resources and security measures, and offers links to helping organizations all around the world.
15. StalkingVictimsSanctuary. If you are being stalked or fear you may be after leaving, this site is an excellent resource.
16. Domestic Violence Safety Tips for You and Your Family. This article offers lists on ways to keep you and your family safe in a variety of settings from home to work.

Plan to Leave

Leaving an abusive relationship can be difficult. Use these tips and resources to plan ahead for as safe a departure as possible.

17. Keep it secret. Don’t show any signs of leaving or drop any hints as this can alert the abuser. Frequently, abusers will do anything in their power to stop their partner from going and the situation can rapidly turn dangerous or a new "honeymoon" phase may convince you to stay.
18. Personalized Safety Plan. Write a personal safety plan and a workplace safety plan to be ready for whatever may occur.
19. Prioritize. List your priorities of what you want to take with you. The checkbook and your children’s birth certificates are probably more important than your favorite coffee mug or easier to take than your grandmother’s cedar chest.
20. Evidence of abuse. If you have any court documents, police reports, photographs, or any other evidence of the abuse that has occurred, plan to take that with you. It may be very important in the time after you leave.
21. Finances. Create a secret stash of money that you can use to make the break and get started on your own.
22. Bank account. Before you leave, open a bank account in your own name. Use a different bank than you and your partner currently use. If necessary, make sure there are branches all over the country in case you have to go farther away than you anticipate.
23. New place. If possible, find a new place to live before you leave. Make all necessary deposits or set a date with family if that is where you are going.
24. Safety Planning for Victims of Domestic Abuse. Use these tips for creating a safe way out of your situation.
25. dvSurvivalKit. This site offers great tip sheets on all aspects of planning and safely breaking away from an abusive relationship.

Leaving

When the actual time comes to leave, follow these suggestions for a smooth transition.

26. When to leave. Plan to leave as soon as the abuser has left the house for the day. Choose a day in the middle of the week when you know he will be gone.
27. Be ready to pack. Don’t get boxes or start gathering things together before you are actually moving. As soon as you put your plan in place, start packing up the basic necessities and very important objects, then get out.
28. Have friends waiting. Let a few trustworthy friends in on your plan and have them ready to help you on your leaving day with packing, watching the children, or any other tasks you may need help completing.
29. Leaving an abusive relationship. This article gives a good basic rundown of all the steps to consider when making a plan to leave.
30. Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship. Find out why some women don’t leave an abusive relationship with this article.
31. International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies. Click on this world map to find a plethora of agencies that offer help in any particular geographic area with getting out of an abusive situation.

In Case of Emergency

Even with the best of planning, sometimes emergency situations arise that force you to leave sooner than anticipated. Take these suggestions to ensure you can get out safely.

32. Know the number for a local women’s shelter. Women’s shelters are equipped to take you and your children in quickly and privately. This is an important resource for any woman in an abusive relationship.
33. Have some clothes packed. Have a few day’s worth of clothes and basic necessities packed in case an argument escalates and you have to get away quickly. Make sure you have anything like prescription medications ready to go also.
34. Set aside important documents. Gather all your documents such as car titles, birth certificates, bank account numbers, and passports in one place. Keep them readily accessible in case you have to leave sooner than expected.
35. Have a place to go. Arrange for a safe place to go if you need to leave in a hurry. A good friend or family member’s house is not the best place to go as your abuser will likely go there first to look for you.
36. Plan for pets. Many emergency shelters do not allow pets, so if you have to leave in a hurry and you refuse to leave your pets behind, make sure you have a back-up plan for where they can go such as a kennel or a friend’s house.
37. Prepare to be gone long term. Even though you may not feel you are ready for the final break, if you have to leave in an emergency, it may be quite a while before you can safely return–or even a permanent move.

Legal Issues

From child custody to divorce to orders of protections, find out what your legal rights are and how to enforce them.

38. Violence Against Women Online Resources. Find documents about advocacy, child custody and protection, and criminal justice response at this site.
39. WomensLaw.org. Learn about the laws, find out how to stay safe, and prepare for court, find local legal programs and help, and more on this site designed specifically to help women who have been exposed to domestic or sexual violence.
40. ABA Lawyer Referral Directory. Click on your state to find lawyer referral programs.
41. Legal Services Corporation. If you don’t have enough money to hire a lawyer and you are in need of protection, this organization may be able to help you.
42. Addressing the Effects of Domestic Violence on Children. Find out the basics of how abuse in families affects children and the laws concerning violence, custody, visitation, and welfare of children.
43. Divorce Source: Domestic Violence FAQs. Get legal answers from lawyers on some of the basic questions women have about domestic violence.
44. Firearms and Domestic Violence. Learn about the laws as they pertain to firearms and specific aspects of domestic violence.
45. FindLaw Domestic Violence. This legal website offers forms, articles, and statutes that may be of help for you.
46. Dating/Domestic Violence: Your Legal Rights & Remedies. Learn the basics about your rights and what you can do legally to protect yourself.
47. Restraining order. You may want to consider filing for a restraining order in a legal attempt to keep your abuser away from you.
48. Divorce. If you determine that divorce is a necessary part of your situation, then find help from a lawyer with experience helping survivors of domestic abuse.
49. Domestic Violence and Child Custody. This handbook offers a complete look at the legal aspects of child custody when domestic violence takes place.
50. Starting Over: Legal Name Change. Find out what you need to do to legally change your name if you need to remain hidden from your abuser.

Children and Youth

Children in homes affected by domestic violence are also victims–whether they are physically involved or not. Learn about the relationship of children and domestic violence. You will also find resources for teens who experience domestic violence at home or in their own relationships.

51. Effects of Domestic Violence on Children and Adolescents: An Overview. Learn the basics of how violence in the home affects children and teens with this article.
52. The Facts on Children and Domestic Violence. This basic fact sheet offers statistics and information on children and violence in the home.
53. Parental Abduction and Domestic Violence. Get the facts on parental abduction in this article.
54. Child Protection in Families Experiencing Domestic Violence. This in-depth article offers a complete look at the effects of domestic violence on children.
55. National Child Traumatic Stress Network. This organization provides resources for children and their families who have undergone trauma of any kind.
56. Domestic Violence: Protecting Yourself and Your Children. Learn the basics about protecting your family. Check out the link "Guns & Your Family."
57. When Children Witness Domestic Violence: Expert Opinion. This legal opinion about the effects of abuse on children and whether they should remain in custody with the non-offending parent offers information and facts about a difficult situation.
58. Domestic Violence Youth Safety Plan. Any teen who either experiences domestic violence at their home or with a date should have this safety plan.
59. Break the Cycle. This organization is teaching youth how to break the cycle of abuse through their own relationships through education and advocacy.
60. When Love Hurts. Aimed at youth, yet helpful for anyone in a potentially abusive situation, this site offers articles, quizzes, and more to help you decide if your situation needs help and how to find that help.
61. Youth Rights in Domestic Violence: Basic Legal Information Concerning Texas Minors. While this handbook, which covers information not easily found elsewhere, is specifically for teens in Texas, the legal issues can be used as a basis for the rights of other teens as well.

Staying Away and Starting Over

While getting out of the relationship is a huge and sometimes dangerous step, it is by no means the end of the process. Learn how to stay away and start over in a healthier and safer life with these resources.

62. Life After Abuse. Read this article for encouragement and tips on how to help with healing and moving on.
63. Support groups. Find support groups to help you process what you have been through and also as support as you make your new life.
64. Be prepared for promises. It is very likely that your abuser will seem suddenly very remorseful and full of promises to change. His intentions may well be good, but chances of a change overnight are not likely.
65. Facing the Challenge After Leaving an Abusive Relationship. This article provides insight to what you may be feeling after leaving and how to combat some of those negative feelings.
66. Sanctuary for the Abused. This blog offers articles, links, and resources to help survivors of abuse stay strong and healthy.
67. Don’t jump into another relationship. Take some time to recover from the devastating effects of the relationship you are ending before moving on to another person. If you haven’t had time to process the experience and get some help, chances are very good you will end up in another abusive relationship.
68. Cosmetic and Reconstructive Support. This program offers cosmetic and reconstructive procedures to people who cannot afford to make the corrections needed as a result of domestic violence.
69. National Center for Victims of Crime. Find legal resources, help with stalking, and help for victims of abuse all on this site.
70. Gift From Within. This site helps those with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder find support, heal, and learn to get on with their lives.
71. VictimPower.org. Using secure technology, victims and witnesses to violent crimes can use this site to file crime reports and receive responses with anonymity.

Hotlines

From immediate help to sexual assault to suicide prevention, these hotlines all offer emergency care and resources.

72. 911. The first place you can call in event of an emergency is 911. If you or your children are in danger, do not hesitate to call.
73. National Domestic Violence Hotline. If you are being abused, call this toll-free number. 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
74. National Sexual Assault Hotline. Get help, information, and more with this organization. Call toll free at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
75. National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline. Visit this website or call this number if you are a teen in an abusive relationship. 1-866-331-9747 or TTY 1-866-331-8453.
76. ChildHelp. The ChildHelp National Abuse Hotline is available to report any child abuse you witness. 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).
77. Stop It Now!. If you suspect or know that your child was sexually abused, call this number for help. 1-888-PREVENT (1-888-773-8368).
78. National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. If your partner takes your children, turn to this organization for help. 1-800-843-5678 or TTY 1-800-826-7653.
79. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. If you are considering suicide, please call this number immediately. 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or TTY 1-800-799-4TTY (4889).
80. Domestic Violence Hotlines and Resources. This page offers a listing of hotlines for each of the fifty states as well as other resources for help.

Organizations

From direct assistance to a plethora of helpful articles, these organizations and programs will provide all the information and help you need to learn about abuse.

81. Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness. While this group is based out of California, the tips and resources available are helpful for anyone dealing with an abusive relationship as well as for the family members who want to help.
82. Survivor Project. This organization helps same-sex and transgendered victims of domestic and sexual abuse.
83. Rural Womyn Zone. This site offers help and support for rural women who are victims of domestic violence.
84. DomesticViolence.org. Based in Michigan, this organization offers tons of information about domestic abuse on this site.
85. Safe Horizon. This organization works to provide support for families and help make changes to laws about domestic violence. Find a virtual tour of a domestic violence shelter, find out about stalking, and much more.
86. New Beginnings. This website is out of New Hampshire and offers direct services in that area, but also has a huge amount of valuable information for anyone involved in domestic violence.
87. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Learn how to protect yourself, take action to make changes in the law, and find out about public policy with this organization working to eliminate violence against women and children.
88. Stop Family Violence. Find help, get resources, and learn the latest news about domestic violence with this organization.
89. Stop Abuse for Everyone. This organization offers resources, publications and training for those who typically "fall between the cracks of domestic violence services."
90. Playing the Angel. This organization aims to give assistance to women and children in the U.S. and the U.K. who are victims of abuse. Find resources in both countries, sign petitions, and more.
91. MedLine Plus: Domestic Violence. This site offers a huge amount of information and articles on domestic violence, including overviews, coping, research, and more.
92. Women’s Web: Violence Against Women. Find plenty of articles about violence against women here. Topics include sexual abuse, stalking, and more.

Making a Difference

Whether you have survived an abusive relationship and came out on top or know someone who has experienced violence, you may feel that helping others and changing policy is where you need to put your energies now. These resources can connect you with ways to make that difference.

93. Men Stopping Violence. Through education and advocacy, this organization works to end men’s violence against women.
94. National Organization for Women. Learn how this group is helping to put an end to violence against women here.
95. Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community. Get the facts about violence and African Americans as well as learn about this organizations initiatives and ways to make a difference.
96. National Sexual Violence Resource Center. Find resources, get the latest news, read publications, find out about projects and more with the services available here.
97. Breaking Down the Walls. This performance artist is working to educate people about violence against women through her website and her presentations that she will perform for any organization hoping to spread education on these issues.
98. Silent Witness National Initiative. Join this organization in an effort to reduce domestic violence by the year 2010.
99. Promoting Family and Community Safety. This brief article offers suggestions on ways communities can make a difference with violence and abuse.
100. Assist Domestic Violence Shelters: Send Care Packages. Find out how you can make a difference with a simple yet important task that can help a woman just starting out feel like she’s a little less alone.

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